There is no doubt that Allah (swt) controls everything. No matter what you wish, everything is submissive to what Allah (swt) wishes. But Allah (swt) has given us – and tested us with – free will, to choose and decide what we want to do with our lives. From this comes my subject: if we want something to happen, we have to make it happen. We are given the will and the ability to think it, process it and apply it. It is our choice and we shall be tested accordingly. On the Day of Judgement, we will be judged only on what we have chosen. Anything that is beyond our choice, we will not be judged upon. I will not be judged for being from Kuwait, or because of who my parents are, or because of something I did not choose. I will be judged only upon my choices. So it is up to us. If we want to improve ourselves in a positive sense, then we must make positive changes. If we want to change ourselves in a negative sense, then Allah (swt) has given us that choice too.

What is change? Change is moving from one status to another – hopefully to a better status. Do we really need to change? Some of you might think that, alhamdulillah, we are successful in life, we don’t need to change. But let’s think it through. First of all, there are signs which, if any of them are present in your life, you will need to change, no matter what. These signs are a very clear indicator that you must change.

The first sign is that your life is so routine, so rigid. You wake up in the morning weekdays, go through your rituals of prayers, cleaning up, dressing, etc. You go to work and you are crushed in the cycle of routine day after day. You go back from work exhausted, sit with your children if you have time. You may be able to help them with some studies and then perhaps share in some activities here or there. Then you might watch some news or TV or whatever and then you go to bed. Day after day, you are in the same routine. If that is your life, then you need to change.

I teach time management and life management and many times I get asked this question, "Dr Tareq, can you describe to us a regular day in your life, what is your daily routine?" My answer is always, "I don’t have any, no two days are equal." When you reach that, then you really enjoy life. When you go through the routine day after day, then it is dull. So that is one sign that tells you, you need to change.

There is another sign: the feeling of boredom. You feel bored, what is this life – no real joy in it? If you feel bored, then you need to change.

Another feeling that some of us have, even with our own families and with all the activities we do, is a feeling of being lonely. You feel lonely and nothing satisfies you, even the presence of your children or family or some friends… And by the way, I’ve learned in life that many of us are so good at being actors, we act so well that many of us fool everyone around us that we are so happy. We act happy. I’ve learned not to be fooled by those who joke around and laugh all the time; that is not happiness. Happiness you will know when you are alone, with no TV, no one, no mobiles, no phone; you are alone. At that moment of time, check yourself. If you don’t feel happiness at that time, then you need to change.

Another situation that tells you that you need to change is if you have many problems. The more problems that you have tells you that you are doing something wrong on a regular basis. I like the words of Einstein…talking about a naïve person. Naivety is to do the same things, the same way and expect different results. You are being too naïve if you do that. So, if there are many problems in your life, then you are doing the same things again and again and this is causing you to have the same problems, the same results. You need to change. Either you change the things you do, or you change the way you do them. But you must change.

Another sign is having too many failures. You tried to get a degree, you failed. You wanted to do a project or you wanted get into private business or you tried to have a relationship with so and so – you failed. The more failures you have, is a sign that you need to change. These are some of the major signs that tell you you need to change and there are many others.

Now, how do we change? What is the first step? How do we do it? Before I go into this, I would like to tell you a very nice story. The story of Mr Normal, let me share it with you. Mr Normal was born in a country that was…normal. His parents raised him in a way that was normal. He went to an elementary school that was normal and his grades were normal. From there, he went to a high school that was normal, and his teachers were normal, and his grades again were normal. From there, he graduated and went to a college that was normal. His course was normal, again his grades were normal. He graduated in the normal way and got a job which was normal, in a company that was normal. His performance was normal and so was his salary. Mr Normal got married to a girl that was normal, they had normal children, who they educated and raised in a way that was normal. He was promoted in his job in a normal way, the kids went to normal schools and their grades were normal. He lived his life in a normal way until he retired from his job in a way that was normal and finally, Mr Normal died in a way that was normal. You laugh – 98% of humans live this way. Ninety-eight per cent of you live this way.

Can we be Mr Exception? Can we be extraordinary, a person who is not just normal? It is our choice. To do that, we need to change a few things in our lives.

The first thing that we need to change is to decide our goals in life. What do we want to do in our life? That is the first step; what are our ambitions, our goals?

I remember a very nice story about a young brother who was doing charity work. He prepared a project, went to one of the merchants and he presented him with this charitable project, asking the merchant to donate money. This young man was so enthusiastic about the project that he said to the merchant, "Dear uncle, you need this project, the project does not need you." The merchant was surprised. He was a very good Muslim, did lots of charity work, but he was surprised: why do I need this project? So he asked the young man, "My son, why is it that I need this project?" The young man said, "Shaykh, this is the way to jannah (paradise). This will give you blessings and rewards that will take you to jannah, that’s why you need it." But the shaykh answered in a way that woke me up and woke this young man up. He said, "My son, yes I need jannah, but this is not the only way to jannah. There are thousands of ways I can get to jannah!"

So, we can get to jannah, which is our ultimate goal, but how? You can go to jannah by worshipping Allah (swt), obeying him, that’s one way. But can you go to jannah through engineering? Through medicine? Yes! Literature, poetry, military work, economics, or politics…yes, yes, yes. So what is your choice? Which way do you want to choose that will take you to jannah? We don’t want all the Muslim ummah to be shaykhs and imams in masjids. The ummah will be destroyed if we do that. We need some doctors, physicians, economists, politicians, engineers, artists…we need everyone!

There is a story told to us by Imam Malik, one of the greatest scholars of Islam. Islam has four major schools, one of these schools is the Maliki school. Imam Malik had a friend, named Al-Fudayl ibn Mu’ayad, who was a worshipper – not a scholar – but a worshipper of Allah (swt). Al-Fudayl sent a letter to Imam Malik, saying, "Oh Imam, you are great. But I see that you are spending too much time in educating others. I would advise you not to do it. Spend more time for yourself, by worshipping Allah alone. That is better than educating others." Now this is the idea of a worshipper, but the scholar fixes this impression by sending him a letter back. Imam Malik said to him: "Allah (swt) has divided wealth among his servants. Wealth is not only money. It is also abilities. Allah (swt) has distributed abilities amongst us; we don’t have the same abilities. Some were given the ability and the love of worship and some have the wealth of knowledge, they love to teach and learn. Some were given the ability to do jihad, some were given the ability to be charitable, some were given the ability to be good physicians. So those are different wealths. Everyone shall live a life as Allah made it easy for him/her."

The word ‘wealth’ is a very important word in Islam, used in the Qur’an, in the hadiths so many times. It is a saint, if you want a literal translation. Who are saints in Islam? Who are wealth? We think about saints, people dressed in white, with white beards, glowing faces and we think this is the highest you can reach. Well one of the great scholars of Islam, Ibn Taymiyyah (r), corrects this, saying, "You can find saints in every part of the Muslim ummah: amongst worshippers, scholars, in factories, in farms and among merchants. You can find them in the military…" See we are quite different than other religions when it comes to saints. Can you imagine a saint dressed in military clothes? In Islam, yes, we can imagine that.

So Islam is not only about being a shaykh, or dressing in a certain way, or doing a speech in a masjid. That is not necessarily the only representation of Islam. It’s a great representation, but it’s not the only one. Islam emphasises that the way you dress, although important, it is not the way you should be judged, in this life or the hereafter. I have learned in life that there are a few with beards who are thieves, I have seen that. There are those without beards who have so much piety. I have seen girls with hijab who are corrupt and I have seen girls without hijab who are sincere to Allah (swt). We cannot judge the hearts, Allah (swt) does that. Yes it is important to obey Allah (swt), to dress according to the Islamic code, but that is not the way we should judge.

In a very nice story, one of the girls who was raised by ‘Umar ibn al Khattab (ra) later on became one of the leading women of Islam. Her name was Shifa (ra). One day, after the death of ‘Umar the second caliph, Shifa saw a group of men, worshippers who were walking so slowly and talking so quietly. They ate very little and their clothes were torn. She was surprised, so she asked, "Who are these people?" She was told that these are people who devoted themselves to worshipping Allah. She was shocked. She said, "What?! I did not expect to live to see something like this!" This was not seen in the lifetime of the companions of the Prophet (s). These type of sufis came later on, they were never seen before. She said, "I swear by Allah that I met ‘Umar ibn al Khattab, the great companion of the Prophet (s). ‘Umar, whenever he walked, he walked fast; when he talked, he talked loud; when he was eating, he ate a lot; when he hit, he hit hard and he was more of a worshipper than these people." So Islam does not really have a certain shape that people try to draw for us.

‘Umar ibn Khattab (ra) himself once went into a masjid, he saw a young man… You see our young men, sometimes when they become religious, they become fanatics. So when he saw a young man, in the masjid, devoting himself to prayers, not working, he said, "Who is feeding him?" Who works to feed him? This is a young man who doesn’t work, he is worshipping all the time. They said, "His brother does." ‘Umar said, "His brother is better than him." Setting it right for us. (Another time) he saw a young man so devoted and sincere in his prayers (but in a strange way: visual demonstration). So ‘Umar ibn al Khattab (ra) took a stick and hit him on the head. He said, "Young man, piety is here, not here." Your true sincerity to Allah (swt) is not the way you dress or act for people, it is the way you dress and act for Allah.

So, understanding this, the question comes, "How do I change myself?" Simple! First of all you decide which field fits you more than anything else. I chose for myself to spend the rest of my life spreading knowledge and spreading management knowledge in an Islamic way. This is my field; what is your field? Have you decided? Now, if you have decided, then please make sure it is the correct one for you. If you have not really decided or you are not sure this field is for you, especially the young men and women, then you must also check. Let me give you three criteria to check your field by.

Are you in the correct college? I used this check. I studied petroleum engineering and I was in charge of the oil fields in Kuwait; I got a PhD in petroleum engineering. But when I used the criteria that I am going to tell you about, I found that it did not fit me – I was in the wrong field. Let me share with you three criteria: use them, teach your children, teach the young men and women to use them and make sure that the field you have chosen for yourself is the correct field.

You should not devote yourself to something that you do not love. It is not enough to be good at it. I was good at petroleum engineering, but I did not love it. If you do something that you can do but you do not love, you shall not be creative. You cannot be creative until you do something that you truly love. Many of us, when we decided which college we wanted to go to, we did not use the correct criteria. Our parents said, "Do this, do that," etc. I remember my son Muhammad, when he graduated from high school, he was undecided. Everyone would come to him, saying medicine or engineering, public relations, international affairs… He came to me and said, "I’m not sure which one I should enroll in. What do you think?" I said management and he asked why. I said, "Because I love it!" But he said he did not love it, so I said, "Good! Now you understand how to choose. Everyone tells you about something that they think is great, or something that they love, which doesn’t matter, because you are not me or them!" Explore, study, discuss, read books, attend lectures in different subjects until you make sure this is what you really enjoy.

Don’t do something that you do not like and if you are in the wrong field, change it. Never say it’s too late – I changed career at the age of 37. After I got my PhD, I changed careers and it works and by the way, I’m better paid now than at that time. I am so good at what I do now because I love it. At that time, I would do what was required and no more, because I didn’t love it.

Check the opportunities in your choice. I have a funny story that will explain this point. Kuwait is a desert, we have no water, we get our water from the sea, distill it and that is the only water. It’s very expensive and greenery is minimal. It is 50 degrees in Kuwait now: so hot! Anyway, after high school, I got a scholarship from the government, to study in the USA. Kuwait at that time was so rich that any Kuwaiti with good grades would be given a scholarship, to study anywhere in the world. We could choose any subject and change it without going back to the government. So about fifty of us went on a scholarship to the USA. I studied engineering while others studied other subjects. Anyway, the story is about one of my colleagues, who graduated four years later, majoring in forest engineering. Forestry was something that he liked (which is the first criteria), but still when he went back to Kuwait… Where are the forests he is going to work with? There are none, so the government was stuck with him. What should they do with this man? They made him teach science at high school.

Another of my colleagues graduated from USA with a degree in nuclear engineering. In Kuwait there is no way we can use this, so they made him teach physics. So it is not enough to study something that you like or enjoy. Make sure that you can use it after you graduate: there is an opportunity, there are jobs, the competition is reasonable. It is not enough just to enjoy your studies, you must enjoy your life after you graduate also. That is your second criteria.

We have different abilities. There are certain fields that require higher language abilities. You want to go into journalism or literature, your language should be fluent. If you want to go into engineering, you need maths abilities. My daughter loves computers, but she is lousy in maths. When she applied to Kuwait University, the syllabus requirement was that she pass ten courses in maths. She hates maths, so when she came to me, I said, "Don’t go into it. Even if you succeed, you won’t get very high grades. This is not something within your ability." Take a diploma from one of the companies, get certified by Microsoft or do something that doesn’t require maths. But do something that you love and that you’re able to do.

See, alhamdulillah, my speeches are successful. I have eight million tapes in distribution, more than many of the singers in the Arab world. More than Muhammad ‘Abdu, but not more than Fayruz. I’m trying to reach Fayruz…but you see my voice is not fit for singing. Even if I try, I will not be able to do it, so I should not try that field. You should try something that you’re good at, then you will produce more than anything else. So this is the best thing you should do, make sure you are in the right field. Whether you are a high school student, going into college and you want to decide, or you are into college and not sure that you’re in the right major, then check that with these three criteria, or even if you have graduated and worked.

I remember when I decided to leave petroleum engineering forever, a friend of mine came to me, who was also a petroleum engineer. We studied together, worked together, so he came to me and he was nervous. He said, "Doctor Tareq, I’ve heard something that I don’t like. You decided to leave petroleum engineering?" I said, "Yes." He said, "Doctor Tareq, you spent so much time in it, studied it for so long. You have reached a very high position in the government, you’re in charge of all the oil fields and you still want to leave it? You have prestige, you have a degree and you are paid well. You have invested so much of your energy and time in it. Why do you leave it?" I said, "Because I don’t love it, I don’t enjoy it." He said, "Doctor Tareq, this is haram (forbidden) to do this!!" So I said, "Dear friend, if part of my life has passed without joy, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life without joy. And by the way, dear friend, petroleum engineering does not fit you either." One year later, he switched careers too. So even if you are working in a field, even if like me it has been 17 years, you can still change into something that you love and become creative about. It needs determination, it needs a really strong decision.

So that is the first thing we must do to change ourselves: make sure that we are in the right field. Secondly, we must set goals that we want to achieve in this life before we die, especially in our field. I love the story of Alice in Wonderland, by Disney. It is a Disney cartoon, where Alice gets lost in Wonderland, it’s a jungle that is really wonderful and very strange. Anyway, it’s a long story, but Alice reaches the intersection of so many roads and she cannot decide which way to take. So, she starts talking to a nearby animal, saying, "Excuse me, which road should I take?" The animal says, "Alice, it depends – where you are going?" She says, "I don’t know where I’m going." The animal says, "Then it doesn’t matter which road you take!" So, if you do not know what is your goal, it doesn’t matter which field you study, it doesn’t matter where you work, it doesn’t matter how you spend your time, it doesn’t matter how you waste your life.

I do this training because I love it. Yes it pays well, I earn about $10,000 per day – nothing tonight – but I love it. But still I can make more money with my time, the reason I do it is because I truly love it. I see the effect of this on so many people. You must be clear to yourself: what is your goal? Why are you doing whatever you’re doing? Is this the correct path for you? I own seven companies and I also run a school, etc. I’m looking for people to hire and I am willing to pay any of you three times your salaries if you join me. Who among you will accept this offer? Please raise your hands… Now everyone that raised their hands is telling me that they have no goal at all in their work. Right? They are only there for the money; the moment they find three times as much, they are willing to switch without even asking me what kind of a job it is!

If you are working in your job for the money, then you are wasting your life. Let me tell you why. Remember in the old days, there were slaves? Let’s try to describe a slave. A slave is a man or woman who was owned by someone else. They cannot decide for themselves, they must check with their owners. They must be present at the same time every morning, they cannot be dismissed except at a certain time. They cannot make any decisions on their own, they must check with their owners. They cannot travel without the permission of their owners and their owners would feed them or give them some money – so little – that it would not last them even for the next month. In the old days, they called them slaves, in present time they call them employees. Right? Think about it. What a waste of your brains and abilities! What a waste of human life to live that way.

I was a slave for a while, alhamdulillah, Allah saved me from being a slave anymore… Anyway, as long as you are an employee, then don’t think that you will ever be rich: you will never be rich. So if you are there for the money, you are on the wrong road. You must switch careers, take five years to plan a project or something, but do something that will make you rich, if that’s what you’re after. But being an employee is the worst way to make money. And if you want to make da’wah, then the masjid is not the best way to make da’wah, it’s a school or media that will make you able to reach more people.

I was an imam when I was in Oklahoma, making khutab for jumu’ah, etc. I would reach about 500 or 1000, sometimes more. But I learnt from life that da’wah, if I want to reach more people, and affect more people and change the lives of more people, then that is not the best way. I found out that satellite TV, for example, and alhamdulillah I have several regular TV programmes, my last one that was done by NBC, they gave me a report that on a regular basis, my regular viewers are not less than ten million. If I want to make da’wah, then I must choose the right way to make da’wah, the right projects. If I want to change lives, then a school is a better way.

What do you want to do? If you want money, then you should go on your own. You want to be a scientist, then join a university or a research centre. What you want to do in your life will decide your way, it is not the opposite. My goals in life decide my way in life, not the opposite. Many people are doing trial and error: I’ll work in this and if I find another job, then I’ll switch – why? Because the pay is better, then I’ll switch again… Where are you going? What do you want to achieve in life? These are major questions that you must ask yourselves.

The first question: what is your field? The second question: what do you want to achieve? What are your goals? And then, the third question: what do I need to do in the next five years that would be in the direction of my life goals? See, maybe my life goals tell me that I really love to teach and I want to spread knowledge, but I’m an accountant! I want to switch careers. Fine! Plan it: for the next five years, get another degree that can get you into education. I am an employee and I really want to go on my own; I cannot do it immediately, because I have a family to feed. Fine! Plan it: for the next five years, try to establish a project, start a small company, small shop, whatever, but do something! The five years are enough to switch careers, to plan a project or to change your life. But if you don’t plan it, years will pass, one after another and then, you are gone. Lastly, you ask yourself, what can I do in the next year? When does the next year start? Today! It doesn’t start in January, it starts today. What am I going to do in the next twelve months in the direction of my five years, in the direction of my life goals?

Brothers and sisters, I am not talking magic or theories. Everything that I tell you, I have applied myself. My organiser holds my one year plan, my five year plan and my life plans. I have not seen somebody who is truly successful without planning their life. So to change ourselves, we really need to change ourselves by a plan. We must move, we must do something.

Let me finish with a poem written by my great teacher, Shaykh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi.

Dear brothers and sisters, we have two choices in life: to run it, or to let it run us. To choose our destiny and our quality of life, or to let others choose it for us. To enjoy and live happily according to our beliefs, our ideology, our goals, our joys…or just to live. It is your choice.